Nosgothic Grudge Match
by Popeland
Summary: Marcus and Umah host the Show that forces Adversaries face off against each other in a random Challenge. Chapter Six up! Janos and the Sarafan Lord clash in a trolley dash!
1. Chapter 1

Popeland: I'm back, again...... This time my modem was hit by lighting and blew up!  
Finally a valid excuse for my absence!  
But anyway since the Willendorf Wide Chatroom has been deleted due to it being against FF.nets rules I've started this. (Can't actually say I've ever read FF.nets rules.... Anyone know where I can find them?)  
Of course FF.net didn't feel it necessary to inform me that the fic had been deleted so by the time I'd realised I'd written the next chapter.... Curses  
Anyway, this fic will be bigger, better and with 10% more Marcus!  
ROCK!!!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own LoK or Yu-Gi-Oh. In fact I only own this fic... which is a disappointing substitute for LoK. Maybe I can get C.D to trade with me! Haha!  
But until that time, I don't own LoK or anything else that appears in this fic  
  
Voice Over: Yes! It's   
NOSGOTHIC GRUDGE MATCH!!  
With your host, Marcus!  
  
(Marcus walks on stage waving to the crowd)  
  
Marcus: Yes hello people! And welcome to the first ever showing of Nosgothic Grudge Match! A show were we have arch enemies settle their differences using the medium of randomly chosen challenges!  
And do you know why I'm hosting this fine show!? Because apparently I'm not important enough to have my own grudge match! I could have fought Kain! I would have kicked his ass royally!.... twice!.... With my eyes closed!  
  
Umah: Er.... Marcus?  
  
Marcus: Oh yes, that's my Co-Presenter  
  
Umah: Hello everyone!  
  
(Umah waves happily to the audience)  
  
Marcus: She was hired as eye candy, personally I don't know why. I think I could satisfy all the eye candy needs of the viewing public  
  
Umah: Okay you should really stop waxing your head, it's soaking into your brain and giving you hallucinations....  
  
Marcus: Yeah, as if you don't want some of this!  
  
(Marcus smiles into the camera and his head sparkles)  
  
Umah: Yeah....... Okay, moving onto our show  
  
Marcus: and by our show she means my show!  
  
Umah: Marcus, shut up  
  
Marcus: Make me, wench!!  
  
(Umah snarls and punches Marcus in the face)  
  
Marcus: *clutching his nose* Arghh! My beautiful face!  
  
Umah: *sarcastically* Yeah sure, your beautiful and Faustus has decent character development!  
  
Faustus: *from the audience* Low blow!  
  
Umah: Anyway, on tonight's show we have one of the most anticipated events of all time!  
  
Marcus: *still clutching his nose* Yeah! You putting on some respectable clothes!  
  
Umah: ...... you don't know when to stop do you?  
  
Marcus: And you don't know how to shop! I mean did you find those clothes in a dumpster or something?! If you can even call them clothes!  
  
(Umah kicks Marcus between the legs)  
  
Marcus: ARGHHHH!!!  
  
(collapses to the ground twitching)  
  
Marcus: I...... regret...... nothing!  
  
Umah: As I was saying tonight match is one of the most anticipated events of all time! Kain Vs Mortainius!......er..... again! Now we go live to Anarcrothe who is interviewing one of the contestants right now  
  
(scene shifts to a dressing room we see Kain standing beside a locker)  
  
Kain: Anarcrothe... you can come out of that locker you know  
  
Anarcrothe: Hahah! Fat chance! If I go out there I might "accidentally" get eviscerated or ripped apart! I'm not falling for your tricks!  
  
Kain: Suit yourself....  
  
Anarcrothe: So Kain, how do you feel about facing Mortainius in this match?  
  
Kain: Well me and Mortainius have a long period of conflict and today I hope to finally end it  
  
Anarcrothe: You haven't really had a long period of conflict though have you?  
  
Kain: What?  
  
Anarcrothe: Well think about it. He had you killed, then you killed him. He's was only your enemy for about a week really  
  
Kain: Well.... I suppose you could say that. But really I....  
  
Anarcrothe: oh shut it! You were wrong! Cause you're an idiot! Give it up!!  
  
Kain:*stunned* What!?!  
  
Anarcrothe: You heard me Kermit!  
  
Kain: *enraged* I'll kill you!!!  
  
Anarcrothe: I'd like to see you try!!  
  
(Kain rips off the locker door)  
  
Kain: Not so smart now!!.........eh?  
  
(Kains looks into the locker to see it's completely empty except for a small speaker in the corner)  
  
Anarcrothe's voice: Nice try! As if I'd ever hide in a place without at least ten steel doors! You simpleton!! Ahahahahaahh!!  
  
Kain: rargh!!! I can't let anyone see this!!   
  
(Kain destroies the television camera and Umah looks away from the screen smiling nervously)  
  
Umah: ermm .... Well that was our reporter Anarcrothe there...well.. not really there but.. well you get the idea. Anyway lets go over to Dumah to see how Mortainius and Kain will meet  
  
(Camera switches to a picture of the vampire Dumah standing beside a giant wheel)  
  
Dumah: I this segment of the show we decide how Kain and Mortainius will battle! It could be anything from battle to the death or Ping-Pong! It's totally rando.....Hey I see you!!  
  
(A tentacle which had being trying to grab the wheel froze)  
  
Elder God: the wheel shall be mine!!  
  
(Dumah runs off stage and returns with a brush and proceeds to beat the tentacle)  
  
Dumah: Shoo! Go away!  
  
Elder God: No! You are nothing! Arghh! Stop that!!  
  
(the tentacle plunges into the ground and disappears)  
  
Dumah:...... as I was saying this is completely random. So anything could happen. Let's go!  
  
(Dumah spins the wheel)  
  
Dumah: ohhhhh....... It's going!...... going!...... there!  
  
(the wheel stops on "Yu-Gi-Oh Card Duel")  
  
Dumah: Well that's that then! Kain and Mortainius shall battle in a Yu-Gi-Oh Card battle! Back to you Umah  
  
(Screen shifts back to Umah)  
  
Umah: Wow! This should be quiet the battle!  
  
Marcus: *still on the ground twitching* Not as hard..... a battle as a salesman.... would have....trying to sell you......a jumper!  
  
(Umah kicks Marcus in the stomach)  
  
Marcus: ow.......  
  
Umah: Lets go live to the battle!  
  
(We see two large platforms. Kain stands on one and Mortainius stands on the one opposite)  
  
Kain: Your no match for me, Morty boy!  
  
Mortainius: Enough chat! Lets ends this!  
  
Both: It's time to d..d...d...Duel!!!  
  
Kain: I'll start by summoning Dumahaim vampire to the field! And I'll lay one card face down!  
  
Mortainius: Ha! Pitiful move! I summon Vampire hunter! And by using my flame-thrower upgrade card I give him a 200 point bonus! More than enough to eliminate your Dumahaim! Go Vampire hunter! Attack!  
  
(Vampire hunter destroys the Dumahaim and Kain loses 300 life points leaving him at 3700)  
  
Kain: You fool! That attack activated my trap card! Implode! This takes 700 off your life points and destroys your vampire hunter!  
  
(Vampire hunter implodes and Mortainius is reduced to 3300)  
  
Mortainius: No!!  
  
Kain: that's not all! I use my ring of Blood and crushed teeth to summon Vorador directly to the field! Now attack Vorador!  
  
(Vorador attacks reducing Mortainius to 1700 life points)  
  
Mortainius: you won't defeat me! I summon Malek the righteous paladin to the field in defense mode! And I'll put one card face down and end my turn!  
  
Kain: your paladin is no match for Vorador! Vorador wipe out Malek!  
  
(Vorador attacks Malek)  
  
Mortainius: Not so fast! I activate my "Genocidal mob inspired by Moebius" trap card! Your vampire is gone!  
  
Kain: No!  
  
(Vorador has his head cut off)  
  
Mortainius: now Malek attack him directly!  
  
(Malek knocks Kain down to 1900)  
  
Kain: damn.... But it does not matter! I'll lay two cards face down on the field and I'll summon The Wraith Raziel to the field and I'll activate the magic card "Righteous indignation"! this raise Raziel's attack points by 500! Now Raziel destroy his paladin!  
  
(Raziel destroys Malek and reduces Mortainius to 600 life points)  
  
Mortainius: Oh no!  
  
Kain: that's not all! As Raziel is a soul devouring monster Malek health goes directly into my Life points  
  
(Kain Life points increase to 2700)  
  
Mortainius: *to himself* no.. I can't lose this! I have to do it! HASH AK GIK!!!  
  
( music begins to play and an intense light surrounds Mortainius. When it leaves Mortainius is replaced by a huge black demon. Strangely enough no one seems to notice)  
  
Hash ak Gik: I'll place one card face down also and I'll summon blood Reaver! Blood Reaver! Destroy Raziel  
  
(Blood Reaver attempts to impale Raziel but fails and the Reaver shatters)  
  
Hash ak Gik: What!? it can't be!  
  
Kain: oh but it can! For my face down card was... Temporal paradox!  
  
Hash ak Gik: No!  
  
Kain: And now your defenseless less! Raziel Finish him off!  
  
Hash ak Gik: Fool! I activate the informative mural magic card! This turns Raziel against you and he becomes my creature! Raziel attack Kains lifepoints directly!  
  
Kain: Bad move! My "Scion of balance" magic card is activated! You can't hurt me!  
  
(Raziel is deflected)  
  
Kain: My turn! I sacrifice 1000 of my life points to summon .... The Elder God!! Elder God! Trap Raziel!  
  
(The Elder god traps Raziel in his tentacles)  
  
Kain: Raziel is immobilized! Your going down!  
  
Hash ak Gik: Wrong answer! I use time streaming magic card to retrieve my Blood Reaver card!  
  
Kain: Pah! What little it will help you!  
  
Hash ak Gik: Blood Reaver attack Raziel!  
  
Kain: What!?  
  
(the Blood Reaver implaes Raziel)  
  
Kain: You idiot! You just destroied your own card!  
  
Hash ak Gik: No, I haven't! Raziel has been absorbed by the Reaver and now I have....the mighty Soul Reaver!!  
  
Kain: Oh no!  
  
Hash ak Gik: oh yes! Soul Reaver! Destroy his Elder God!   
  
Kain: NOOOOOOO!!!!!  
  
(The Elder God is destroyed and Kain is reduced to 0 lifepoints)  
  
Hash ak Gik: you lose Kain!  
  
Kain: it's not possible!  
  
Hash ak Gik: I rock!!!  
  
(Back at studio Umah turns away from the huge screen she was watching the battle on)  
  
Umah: My god! What a unexpected outcome! A shocking defeat for Kain!  
  
Kain: *on the screen* Well maybe I'd have one if someone hadn't stolen my nexus stone card!  
  
Umah: er..... I have no idea what your talking about  
  
(Umah waves her hand at someone offstage and the transmission from the battle field is cut off)  
  
Umah: oh no! must be technical difficulties! But please, join us again next week!  
Thanks for watching Nosgothic grudge match! With me Umah!  
  
Marcus: *still on the ground* yeah but of course..... Umah stands......for.. Underdressed ..... Multifunctional.... Amourous... ..Hook-Erk!!!  
  
(Umah lifts Marcus up off the ground by the throat)  
  
Umah: Will you ever learn?  
  
Marcus: never!!  
  
(Screen fades to black and the credits roll to the sounds of screaming and a few minutes later an ambulance siren)  
  
Popeland: Ohhhh..... that's going to hurt in the morning  
Any suggestions for Grudge matches will be gratefully excepted. I have 2 others planned out but then... well I'm all out.... Unless I give it further thought  
Which knowing me, I probably won't  
Damn lazy me.....  
  
Anyway, Reviewers get.......er..... am....   
(looks around for something to give reviewers)  
Ah! An exact replica of the Sweeping brush Dumah used to chase off the elder god!  
Now you can sweep safe in the knowledge you are denying the wheel of fate!....er..... yeah!  
Please Review! 


	2. Chapter 2

Popeland: Wahey! People like it!  
I knew a few Yu-Gi-Oh references wouldn't go astray!  
Well..... I hoped anyway  
  
Okay! This is the first fic I've ever done a review response on so you should all feel honoured!  
Or at least unlucky  
  
Tom T. Tompson  
Ah... I was hoping there was some sort of super secret vault that housed the Guidelines!  
Then I'd have some sort of excuse  
Well thanks for the telling me  
You'd think that''d be the first place I'd look!  
  
Concept of a Demon  
Ah, Conceptual Deamon my Friend  
Do you happen to have physic powers?   
Cause you were talking about brushes and Stones... Both of which feature quiet a lot in this chapter...  
Wouldn't happen to have any lotto numbers you'd care to tell me?  
  
Voice Over: Yes! It's   
NOSGOTHIC GRUDGE MATCH!!  
With your host, Marcus!  
  
(Umah wheels Marcus on stage. He is in a full body cast and only his head is exposed)  
  
Marcus: Welcome once again to Nosgothic grudge match! With me, Marcus! The Most ultimate presenter in the universe!  
  
Umah: I'd like to inform the viewers that Marcus isn't in the best of conditions since I had to ride in the ambulance with him  
  
Marcus: Is there anything you won't ride?  
  
(Umah glares at him and nudges his wheelchair which begins to rolls slowly off stage)  
  
Marcus: You'll never silence me!!  
  
(a loud crashing noise is heard)  
  
Umah: Anyway, tonight's grudge match has been heating up for centuries. Vampires Vs Sarafan! Vampires team of Janos, Vorador and Magnus will face off against the Sarafan's team of Malek, Raziel and The Sarafan Lord! Lets go now to Anarcrothe you is interviewing the Sarafan team  
  
(the scene shifts to Anarcrothe standing beside the Sarafan Raziel)  
  
Anarcrothe: Hello Mr Raziel thanks for speaking to me  
  
Raziel: My pleasure  
  
Anarcrothe: I'd just like to point out as a member of the Sarafan you can't do anything to harm me since I am a circle guardian  
  
Raziel: Why would I want to...ow!  
  
(Anarcrothe flicks Raziel's ear)  
  
Anarcrothe: Anyway, tell us how you feel about your battle against the vampires  
  
Raziel: Well I...... what are you doing?  
  
Anarcrothe: Well I was just writing "Sarafan pansy" on your armour. Do you have a problem with that?  
  
Raziel: *Gritting his teeth* ......no, sir  
  
Anarcrothe: well could you please focus on my questions then? Now who do you think will be the greatest threat on the vampires teams  
  
Raziel: Well naturally I'd assume it'd be Janos but.......... sir, could you please stop kicking me?  
  
Anarcrothe: no.... no I don't think I could, Dumbass. I can call you Dumbass can't I?  
  
Raziel: well I........  
  
Anarcrothe: excellent, now please continue with your answer, Dumbass  
  
(Anarcrothe continues to kick Raziel)  
  
Raziel: Well I'd say.. Ow! ..Janos because he's the most ... Argh!... Experienced!  
  
Anarcrothe: I see, well thanks for your time Raziel  
  
Raziel: Your... ack! ... welcome!  
  
Anarcrothe: Back to you in studio, Umah  
  
(Raziel turns to leave but Anarcrothe grabs him by the shoulder )  
  
Anarcrothe: oh we're not finished here yet! Now dance!  
  
Raziel: oh god....  
  
(the transmission ends and a rather confuse umah turns and looks into the camear)  
  
Umah: er.....well..thanks for that "informative" report Anarcrothe  
  
Marcus: *offstage* Yes, that was as informative as you are tolerable Umah!  
  
Umah: *twitching with rage* please excuse me for a moment  
  
(Umah walked off stage and screaming and the sound of a breaking window is heard. Umah walks back on stage dusting her hands)  
  
Umah: Sorry about that people. Just some technical difficulties. Now lets go over to Dumah for the event selection!  
  
(Scene changes to Dumah walking through a cave with a torch)  
  
Dumah: Ah, welcome viewers! Today's selection will be a little bit different from normal since the selection wheel "Disappeared" last night. Luckily we had a tracker placed on the wheel in case such a thing happened  
  
(Dumah peers around a corner in the cave)  
  
Dumah: Yep there it is  
  
(walks over to the wheel)  
  
Elder God: What!? Who's there?!   
  
Dumah: you again?!  
  
Elder God: The wheel is mine! I am the hub of the wheel!! You can't take it away from me!  
  
( A tentacle swings down at Dumah but he dodges it)  
  
Dumah: Oh crap! What I wouldn't give for centuries in limbo to hone my strength now!  
  
(Dumah jumps over a tentacle and runs towards the wheel and spins it)  
  
Dumah: Okay! It's spinning... it's ....eep!  
  
(Dumah ducks a tentacle)  
  
Dumah: okay! It's slowing down!  
  
(Just the wheel stops on "Curling match" a tentacle wraps around Dumah's leg and pulls him to the ground)  
  
Dumah: *being dragged off* It says curling match! Tell my clan I love them! And tell...  
  
(A tentacle smashes Dumah's camera and the screen goes blank)  
  
Umah: Well that's settled, a Curling match! Thanks for that Dumah, may you rest in peace! Now lets go live to the battle!  
  
(The scene shows the Sarafan and vampire teams on a icefield)  
  
Raziel: Curling! Ha! See I told you bring my curling tongs was a good idea! Unfortunately I'm the only person on this team with hair to curl so I guess it's all down to me!  
  
Malek: Raziel, it's curling as in that sport with the big stone and the sweeping brushes. You know they sometimes show it on the Nosgoth winter Olympics?  
  
Raziel: oh right.... Damn  
  
Sarafan lord: .....Why is "Gormless Git" written on your Forehead Raziel?  
  
Raziel: *angrily" I'd rather not talk about it!! Suffice to say Malek will be doing the interviews next time!  
  
Malek: Not likely! It took me weeks to get the dents out of my armour the last time  
  
(View switches to the vampires)  
  
Vorador: *staring over at the Sarafan* they're planning something......  
  
Raziel: Yeah.... And is that my curling tongs Raziel has?! I was looking for that!  
  
Magnus: Hey does anyone on our team know how to play curling?  
  
(Janos and Vorador both stare at Magnus)  
  
Magnus: Fine! does anyone on our team know how to play curling, Meat....  
  
Vorador: That's better.... And I don't think so  
  
Janos: Are you kidding me!? I lived above a lake that froze solid every year! Your talking to the curling master here!  
  
(Moebius walks into the centre of the ice field)  
  
Moebius: Okay! Listen up! I'm going to be the official judge for this match!   
  
(There is an audible groan from theVampire's team)  
  
Moebius:*grinning evilly* But don't worry, I'll be fair...  
  
Malek: So you won't have a Bias, Moe? See what I did there! I took apart his name and made it funny!! cause his name in Moe-Bius! But bius kinda sounds like bias!  
  
(Malek starts roaring laughing)  
  
Moebius:*disgusted* That was just TERRIBLE! Jeez guys! I was going to let you win but after that! Damn, I'm going for the vampires now!   
  
(Raziel and the Sarafan Lord glare at Malek)  
  
Malek: But it was funny!  
  
Sarafan Lord: Just shut up!  
  
Moebius: anyway, each team will have three shots. Whichever time gets in the middle of this target wins   
  
(points to large target below his feet)  
  
Moebius: anyway, vampires start!  
  
Janos: Okay you two sweep and I'll throw right?!  
  
Vorador and Magnus: Right!  
  
Janos:.....  
  
Vorador:.....  
  
Magnus: *sighing* right.... meat......  
  
Vorador: And don't you forget it!  
  
( the vampire team go to their positions. Moments later Janos throws the first stone)  
  
Vorador: *sweeping frantically* Personally I don't see the point of the sweeping!  
  
Magnus: *Also sweeping frantically* It's probably to lower surface tension between the stone and the ice!  
  
Vorador:......  
  
Magnus: Oh for heavens sake!..... meat!  
  
Vorador: Bout time!  
  
(as the stone nears the target Vorador and Magnus stop sweeping. The stone reaches the centre of the target and stops dead)  
  
Vampires team: YES!!!  
  
Magnus: ....... Meat  
  
Sarafan Lord: Unafair! janos used telekinesis!  
  
Janos: Did not!  
  
Sarafan lord: Your hands were glowing!  
  
Janos: my hands glow sometimes! Nothing wrong with that!  
  
Moebius: quiet! Sarafan team just take your shot!  
  
Sarafan Lord: Fine!!  
  
Malek: Hey! How come we don't have sweeping brushes!?  
  
Moebius: Look there weren't enough! Just take the damn shot  
  
(at this moment Popeland feels a slight pang of guilt for giving away those seeping brushes to reviewers)  
  
(the Sarafan lord throws the stone with all his strength and it flies directly for the vampire teams stone. Unfortunately the vampires stone levitated up slightly and the Sarafan lord shot missed)  
  
Raziel: Unfair! None of our team can use telekinesis!   
  
Moebius: your loss I guess, vampires take your shot!  
  
(Janos throws the stone once more but this time Vorador or Magnus don't even bother to sweep. The stone hovers slightly and lands on their first stone)  
  
All Vampires: YES!!  
  
Magnus: .. and meat....  
  
Raziel took the next shot for the Sarafan. Unfortunately the stone spontaneously combusted mid way.   
  
Sarafan lord: Vorador shot a lighting bolt form his hands!  
  
Moebius: *innocently* Sorry, must have missed it. Vampires your last shot!  
  
(Janos once gain took the shot. This time it even did a loop de loop in the air before it landed on top of the other stones)  
  
Moebius: Last shot of the game! Your turn Sarafan!  
  
Malek: That's it!  
  
(Malek fires an energy wave and the Sarafan's final stone is propelled forward as an unbelievable speed. It hits the vampires stones and there's a deafening explosion. Moments later the sarafan and vampires pulled theirs heads out of the various snow drift they had landed on)  
  
Raziel: Ow.......  
  
Malek: ohhhhhh....... Pain...  
  
Sarafan Lord: Argh!! Dying!  
  
Vorador: Snow... burning head!  
  
Janos: I think I sprained my wing......  
  
Magnus: Ack! I think I swallowed a rock!  
  
All expect Magnus: ........  
  
Magnus: Look, I don't HAVE to say that word in every damn sentence! I am a much deeper character than that!  
  
All except Magnus: ........  
  
Magnus:.. oh for the love of god....... Meat  
  
All except Magnus: good  
  
Vorador strolls over to huge crater where the score zone was  
  
Vorador: Huh...... I suppose it's a draw then  
  
Raziel: is Moebius down there?  
  
Vorador: yep.... He's not moving though....  
  
Malek: Well I'd call that a victory!  
  
Janos: Lets all go over to Vorador's place and celebrate!  
  
Vorador: Fine! But you all have to promise not to break all my furniture or kill all my brides like every other guest I've ever had!  
  
(The group mumble non -committaly and wander off)  
  
(Back at studio Umah turns away from the huge screen she was watching the curling on)  
  
Umah: well neither team won, but with Moebius lying at the bottom of an ice pit unconscious I think that's a victory for society!  
  
(there is a squeaking noise as the vampire Melchiah wheels Marcus on stage)  
  
Marcus: Thanks, Melchiah  
  
Melchiah: *excitedly* No thank you! With this scalp wax you gave me I'm bound to get all the ladies  
  
Marcus: use it well my friend for it has powers!  
  
(Melchiah salutes Marcus and scampers off stage)  
  
Umah: You again!?  
  
Marcus: Look Umah, I'm sorry about the way I acted. To apologise I brought you this present  
  
(Umah picks up a gift wrapped parcel)   
  
Umah: *genuinely touched* perhaps I was wrong about you Marcus  
  
Marcus: open it  
  
(Umah tears off the wrapping paper excitedly)  
  
Umah: *confused* Quick and Easy Vegetarian cooking?  
  
Marcus: Yes, because if you take out the words "Vegetarian" and "cooking" it's just like you!! Bwhahaah!!  
  
Umah: *enraged* Why you little....!!!  
  
Marcus: Thanks for watching Nosgothic Grudge Match! With me, the soon to be re-hospitalised Marcus!  
  
(Screen fades to black and the credits roll to the familiar sounds of screaming. No ambulance siren this time as the Ambulance was just waiting outside the studio, because they knew Marcus well enough at this point  
  
Popeland: ah that Marcus..... you gotta love his determination!  
I'd give reviwers something but I still fell guilty from depriving those Sarafan of sweeping brushes!  
I didn't mean it!!  
  
Please Review! 


	3. Chapter 3

Popeland: Wahey, new chapter!!  
Like the others, just different!  
Rock!! And I got 4 reviews for the last chapter! Which is double what I got for the first one!  
This chapter will no doubt get 8, the next will get 16 and the on after that will get ......er... 16x2 !!  
Now some review responses  
  
Tom T Tomson - Well I did tone it down! Because I've ran out of decent ideas! So hah!  
Wait.... That's bad!  
Damn  
  
Concept of a demon- If 5 is the number of man and 7 is the number of god.... Then 13 must be the number of Godman!  
He could fight crime!  
  
Uberlord John IX- Yes! That battle will take place! Possibly the next chapter because Janos and Malek have to recover after their hard fought curling match....... That and I'd better think up some sort of plot for it  
But mainly the first one  
  
Omega XSabre- Look, if your going to be stalking me, you have to be quiet when I'm stalking people  
And A fight between Authors and Nosgoth would be a massacre! Completely one sided!  
In other words, it's going on my to do list  
  
Anyway, onto the fic!  
  
Voice Over: Yes! It's time again for  
NOSGOTHIC GRUDGE MATCH!!  
With your host, Umah  
  
(Umah walks on stage and the audience claps)  
  
Umah: Hello and welcome once more to Nosgothic Grudge Match! Unfortunately Marcus can't be with us today because the ambulance he was travelling crashed into a river. Police suspect that the brakes may have been tampered with, but if anyone asks I was here with you guys all night  
  
(Winks at the audience conspiratorially)  
  
Umah: So tonight we have a special temporary co-presneter! So please give a warm welcome to... Melchiah!  
  
(Melchiah walks on stage dressed in Marcus's black leather coat)  
  
Melchiah: Hey everybody!  
  
Umah: ..... what are you wearing?  
  
Melchiah: Oh! Marcus picked it out for me! do you like it?  
  
Umah: *steely* No  
  
(Melchiah takes a notepad out of his coat pocket)  
  
Melchiah: *Reading form the notepad* Really, from what I've heard you like it at least five times a night. Paid of course  
  
Umah: You what?! How dare you!!  
  
Melchiah: I was just reading the notes Marcus gave me!  
  
(Umah grabs the notepad and rips it apart. She then throws it on the ground and begins to jump up on down on it)  
  
Melchiah: er....... Okay. Well tonight's grudge match is between the Wraith Raziel and Kain  
Now lets go over to Anarcrothe who unsurprisingly is not going interviewing Kain.   
  
(The scene shifts to Anarcrothe who's in a cage with a sign "do not feed the Alchemist" written on it)  
  
Anarcrothe: thanks Melchiah. Today for the safety of both me and raziel it has been decided that I will be caged! So Raziel how do you feel about battling Kain  
  
Raziel: Well I'm pretty confident I'll kick his ass. I mean I am the most powerful creature in Nosgoth!  
  
Anarcrothe: yeah, sure. and I'm hiding my true power beneath a veneer of cowardice  
  
Raziel: I warn you... don't mock me  
  
Anarcrothe: oh no! If I don't stop now you may spend the span of three games trying to kill me and then change your mind! Oh I tremble in undeniable and terrible fear!  
  
Raziel:.... Could you be any more annoying?  
  
Anarcrothe: well I could always take off my pants, wrap a towel around my face. wander around Nosgoth asking stupid question, interpreting murals and taking the advice of any creature I met!  
  
Raziel: Shut up!  
  
Anarcrothe: okay, okay.... Personally I'm just glad you never could get the words gormless git off your forehead  
  
Raziel: You wrote that!? I was told it was a birth mark!!  
  
Anarcrothe: yeah I probably should have drawn up a little mural so you could find out  
  
Raziel: Okay! I've been patient enough here!!  
  
Raziel attempts to reach Anarcrothe but he can't  
  
Anarcrothe: *bored* ohhhh scary  
  
Raziel: I'll get you!!  
  
Anarcrothe: and on that hollow threat I think it's time to go back to the studio  
  
(Raziel shifts into the spectral realm and appears inside the cage with Anarcrothe)  
  
Raziel: hollow eh?  
  
Anarcrothe: er...................did I mention you have really nice hair?  
  
(we hear screaming and the scene changes back to Umah and Melchiah)  
  
Melchiah: oh that Anarcrothe! Quite the character!  
  
Umah: now lets move on!  
  
Melchiah: oh! *takes out a sheet of paper* "Move on?! I paid my dollar! I expect the 2 hours you promised!"  
  
Umah: *menacingly* Melchiah, who are you more afraid of? Marcus or me?  
  
Melchiah: Oh! He wrote me a response if you said that too! One minute I'll get it!  
  
(Umah grabs Melchiah hand)  
  
Umah: Move and I'll break you in two  
  
Melchiah: er....... Okay  
  
Umah: Anyway, lets go over to Dumah for our event selection  
  
Melchiah: your...hurting.....me!  
  
Umah: Good  
  
(Scene changes to a subterranean cavern. Dumah is leaning on a sweeping once again standing beside the selection wheel)  
  
Dumah: yes! I'm still alive! In a vampire kind of dead alive way!  
  
Elder god: You may have won this round! But one day your wretched stagnant wheel will be mine!  
  
Dumah: Don't make me beat you up again!  
  
Elder God: You didn't beat me up! You poked me in the eye! That's how losers fight!  
  
Dumah: Anyway, it's time for our random event choice!  
  
(Dumah spins the wheel and in the background the elder god holds up a giant sign with the words "HI MOM!" written on it)  
  
Dumah: Okay it's spinning!  
  
Elder God: oh thanks for telling us! Cause that's something we could never figure out for ourselves!  
  
Dumah: I'm sensing a lot of misdirected rage from you elder god  
  
Elder God: oh it's true!! *breaks down in tears* Why didn't you ever hug me daddy!?  
  
Dumah: ......and on that disturbing mental image it's time to tell you the event will be.....  
  
(the wheel stops on " Rap battle")  
  
Dumah: Yes! A rap battle! This should be....interesting to say the least  
  
Elder God: *still Crying* No daddy! I didn't mean to break that plate! Please don't lock me in the coal shed again!  
  
Dumah: ......and could someone look into getting a straight jacket for a giant squid?  
  
(Scene shifts back to Umah and Melchiah)  
  
Umah: okay lets go live to the battle  
  
Melchiah: *tears in his eyes from the pain* Let go of my arm!!!  
  
Umah: no  
  
(The scene changes to a large stage with a huge audience. Dejoule is on stage)  
  
DeJoule: Yo, yo! Big shout out to all the randomly appearing stage and audience crew! It's me , D-Jewel, bringing you da hippest show in town!  
  
Mortainius: *from the audience* Take it off!!  
  
DeJoule: Mortainius! I'm surprised at you! I hope you feel ashamed for lowering the tone of this event!  
  
(Everyone in the audience stares disapprovingly at Mortainius)  
  
DeJoule: Now learn to control yourself! Anyway, Tonite is de biggest showdown this side of /the Coorhagen ghetto! So lets welcome, a man who busts more heads than rhymes! Kain!  
  
(Kain walks on stage glaring at everyone)  
  
DeJoule: And my main Dawg, Raziel!  
  
(Raziel reluctantly steps on stage)  
  
DeJoule: So lets start this showwwww!!!!! Yopu go first Kain!!  
  
Kain: no  
  
Dejoule: What?  
  
Kain: I refuse to make a fool out of myself by participating in this stupid event  
  
Raziel: as do I!  
  
Kain: Raziel, you couldn't appear more stupid even if you did this battle  
  
Raziel: ........ your this annoying and you wonder why you don't have friends  
  
Crowd: ooohhhhh!!  
  
Kain: that was low.... But not as low as you. I wonder what's it's like having a height that can only be measured in minus figures  
  
Raziel: Oh that should be pretty easy for you to imagine. Just think of your IQ as a height  
  
(Dejoule realising this is the best there probably going to get tells the DJ to start playing)  
  
Kain: Hey not bad there Raziel..... or did you have a dictionary handy to aid you in your spelling of IQ?  
  
Raziel: God, you'd save a fortune on a Halloween costume if you decided to dress up as a Brain Dead moron  
  
Kain: Why? Are Raziel Costumes going cheap?  
  
(Many of the crowd cheer and clap)  
  
Raziel: Oh! Good one! I'm truly devastated by that witty comeback! I surrender! If I don't give up now you may call me "meaney" or a "fool"! and I don't think I could take such emotional battery!  
  
Kain: The insults are coming thick and fast now... well thick at least  
  
Raziel: Do you know If you were to curl up and die right now the average IQ in Nosgoth would increase by several points   
  
(the crowd are now all on their feet)  
  
Kain: Your as annoying as Mortainius is useful at a sick friend house  
  
Mortainius: *from the crowd* Woooooooo!! Mortainius!!  
  
Raziel: Oh I'm annoying? How annoying Kain? On the annoyance scale of 1 to Kain  
  
Kain: Oh what a Wonderful insult! How about you shove that up your ass so it can rejoin the rest of your fabulous ideas  
  
Raziel: Ha! I don't even have an ass!!  
  
(the crowd goes silent and the music stops)  
  
Kain:...........  
  
Raziel: I can't believe I said that!!  
  
Dejoule: Well I think that's decides it! Kain wins! For he is the masta of rhythm!! Any words you'd like to tell your fans  
  
Kain: yes, I am superior to you in every aspect  
  
Raziel: including modesty?  
  
Kain: Especially modesty!!......hey... wait a minute! Don't trick me!  
  
Raziel: you may have won this round but I'll always be the most powerful!  
  
(Anarcrothe runs on stage and smashes Raziel head with a baseball bat)  
  
Anarcrothe: Most powerful that!  
  
Raziel: owwwwww!! But your dead!!  
  
Anarcrothe: "But your dead"!?!?! that's rich coming from you!!!  
  
(Anarcrothe proceeds to beat Raziel with the baseball bat. The screen fades out and we return to studio with Umah and Melchiah)  
  
Umah: Wow! What a match!  
  
Melchiah: Let me go!!!  
  
Umah: I'll let you go if you stop saying all those things about me  
  
Melchiah: Fine! I'll lie!   
  
Umah: good.... Wait!? What do you mean you'll lie!  
  
Melchiah: I'll say you don't do those things!  
  
Umah screams and rips off Melchiah arm  
  
Melchiah: hey! There was at least a week left in that arm!!  
  
Umah: maybe that'll teach you!  
  
Melchiah: What?! that I'm not allowed talk about peoples professions?  
  
Umah: That's it! I'm so sick of this! Every day I come in here I just get insulted! I've had enough! I QUIT!!  
  
(Umah storms off stage)  
  
Melchiah: anyway, Thanks for watching Nosgothic grudge match! And now since Umah has left it probably can be viewed by people under 18 years of age!  
  
(Screen fades to black to the sounds of cheering and champagne corks popping)  
  
Popeland: Ah.... We here at nosgothic grudge match do have a high staff turnover!  
And for those few who read the Willendorf Wide Chatroom, yes some of those Raziel and Kain insults were salvaged from it  
But perhaps I should say nothing and hope no one notices!  
  
Please Review!! 


	4. Chapter 4

(Popeland's office, Freeport)  
  
Popeland: Welcome to another chapter of Nosgothic grudge match!  
Took me long enough didn't it?! But now I'm on holidays expect......er.... Shorter gaps between irregular updates!  
Review response time!  
  
HealerAriel: Umah and Kain fight you say? Hmmmm..... well I'll see what I can manage!  
  
Concept of a Demon: Arghh!! Caps Lock, My only weakness!   
But I updated! Ha, no taunting for me  
  
VladimirsAngel: Who doesn't love it when Kain and Raziel clash and Raziel end up humiliating himself?  
When... apart from Raziel  
  
OmegaXSabre: "I don't even have an ass!" was from the unpublished 3rd chapter of the Willendorf wide chatroom where Kain and Raziel had a similar insult fight  
Oh and I come in three forms too! Popeland, Popeland2000!! And I can't believe it's not Popeland!  
  
LoKFan101: And a joke telling chapter it is!  
And how your going to wish you hadn't suggested one  
  
Abbil: I never had muses....   
Although perhaps I should get some! Someone get me a Muse making kit!!  
  
Twillight Tenshi: Of course you can have a sweeping brush!  
hands Tenshi a Anti Elder God Sweeping Brush  
Now defy the wheel of fate while you clean!!  
........ personally I never got over the guilt of depriving the Sarafan of their sweeping brushes....  
Oh cruel fate!  
  
TaintedHound: Yes, everyone likes Yu-Gi-Oh based LoK Duels  
I mean how could you not love "Genocidal mob inspired by Moebius" card!?  
  
Okay that's all that done.....  
  
(there's a knock on the door)  
  
Popeland: Oh, excuse me for a moment. Come in please!  
  
(Umah walks into the office)  
  
Popeland: Ah yes Umah. Well I'll cut straight to the point, I want you to come back to the show   
  
Umah: ha! I knew the show couldn't survive without me  
  
Popeland: er...yeah! That's it! It's not that I've spent all the shows funds on a fabulous golden crown and can't afford to hire a replacement!  
  
Umah: ........what?  
  
Popeland: Nothing! I said nothing!.....er.... well, so will you come back to the show?  
  
Umah: I'm not sure...... I don't know if I could stand Marcus. I mean all I want is a considerate and charming co-presenter  
  
Popeland:............ This is Nosgoth, you know  
  
Umah: ... Okay, Good point. Fine, forget about the respect thing. I'll come back if you double my pay!  
  
Popeland: am.....Okay then  
  
Umah: Good!   
  
(Umah skips happily out of the office)  
  
Popeland: takes out a calculator okay.. lets see. I was paying her nothing before..... so if I double that... ah! I think I can afford that all right!  
  
(popeland puts the calculator into a desk drawer and then he looks around to make sure no one can see him. Once he is sure he takes a Golden Crown out of his desk and puts it on)  
  
Popeland: Mmmmmmm.... Snazzy...  
  
Voice Over: Yes! It's time again for  
NOSGOTHIC GRUDGE MATCH!!  
With your host, Marcus!  
  
(Marcus walks looking smug and superior as always)  
  
Marcus: Welcome once again to Nosgothic grudge match! With me, Marcus! The embodiment of awesomeness!  
And apparently the Brothels weren't hiring as, Umah's back!  
  
(Umah walks on stage and punches Marcus on the jaw. Marcus sails gracefully through the air and leaves a Marcus shaped hole in the floor)  
  
Umah: It's the little things like that I missed!  
  
Marcus: from the hole Perhaps I should fell lucky! It's usually and extra $1. 50 for the rough housing! Bwhahah!!........er.... could someone please help me out of here now?   
  
Umah: Fat chance.  
Tonight's Grudge match is between Janos and Malek! You might say that they don't really have a grudge but Malek knew the guy Killed Janos...... and Janos's did indirectly lead to Malek being damned forever... that's gotta be worth something right?  
Well the real reason is that a Certain Uberlord has threatened Fisticuffs if we don't have one  
So lets go over to Anarcrothe who's interviewing one of the participants  
  
(Scene changes to Janos doing some grocery shopping. Suddenly Anarcrothe jumps out of a pile of potatoes)  
  
Janos: ARGHHH!!!  
  
Anarcrothe: what's wrong!? Didn't give you a fright did I?!   
  
Janos: What the hell are you doing?!  
  
Anarcrothe: Well I have to hide, I mean your one of the many people who have had restraining orders against me so I can't just walk up to you.  
  
Janos: Hey! you were rooting though my Bins! I had to get that order!  
  
Anarcrothe: Me?! Rooting in bins?! I was browsing! Browsing!! Anyway that's not why I'm here. I have around one minute to conduct this interview till the Sarafan arrive and arrest me!  
So how do you feel about facing Malek?!  
  
Janos: Well, I must say I'm.....  
  
Anarcrothe: no time, no time! Is there any specific event you want!?  
  
Janos: I'd probably...  
  
Anarcrothe: Great! Great! How do you react to Malek's claims that you are infact "A big Poof"  
  
Janos: A what!?  
  
Anarcrothe: Personally I think it's the leather pants   
  
Janos: Oh, I'm getting fashion tips from Two-Face in a bath robe!  
  
Anarcrothe: Well excuse me! I obviously don't realise what true style is you befeathered Smurf!   
  
Janos: shut up!  
  
Anarcrothe: And what if I don't?! Eh!? Bwhaha!!  
  
Sarafan: Hey! there he is! get him!  
  
Anarcrothe: Time for this alchemist to fly!!  
  
(Anarcrothe jumps into a trolley and rolls out of the supermarket cackling to himself. The Scene switches back to the studio)  
  
Umah: ....is it me or does Anarcrothe become more detached from reality with each passing day?  
  
Marcus: still in the hole Your saying Anarcrothe detached from reality when you prance around in hail, rain or snow wearing clothes visible only with a microscope!?   
  
Umah: ......You've already done the clothes insults. I'm beginning to think your running out of ideas  
  
Marcus: sullenly Yeah and your running out of Braincells but you don't see me telling everyone...  
  
Umah: Yes I do! You were handing out pamphlets saying it yesterday!  
  
Marcus: I was bored!!  
  
Umah: I don't know why I even talk to you... Anyway lets go over to Dumah for the event selection  
  
(Scene switches to a cave. Dumah smiles maniacally at the camera)  
  
Dumah: Yes, It's me! Welcome to the greatest part of the show! It's just super!!  
  
Elder God: muttering to himself perhaps I slipped him a little too much prozac... Still can't be too safe, he is related to Raziel...  
  
Dumah: So lets spin that wheel!!  
  
(Dumah spins the wheel)  
  
Dumah: Round and round it goes! Where it stops, no body knows!  
  
Elder God: I'm hoping for a "Feed the Elder God your souls and Worship him as a god match!!"  
  
Dumah: ... that's probably not going to happen  
  
Elder God: Hah! That's what the ancients said!  
  
Dumah: .....er........ okay... but look! the wheels stopping!!  
  
(The wheel stops on Joke telling match)  
  
Dumah: Ah! A battle of humour and wit! Sounds Fantastic!!  
  
Elder God: Bah! I can't handle all this happiness.. must think of something really, really depressing...  
  
Dumah: what was that Elder god me old buddy!?  
  
Elder God: Everyone you know and love is dead!!  
  
Dumah: Yeah! They are! Aren't Vampires great?!  
  
Elder God: hmmmm...... this may be trickier than I thought  
  
(Scene switches back to the studio)  
  
Umah: Joke telling match eh? Should be good  
  
Marcus Still in the hole Wow.... This hole is deep.. I'm so low I'm on the same level as your moral standards  
  
Umah: ...Your not going to get out of there if you keep insulting me you know  
  
Marcus: Well in that case send someone to collect my stuff and have them bring it here!  
  
Umah: ....lets just go to the match.....  
  
(Camera shows Janos and Raziel)  
  
Janos: Raziel..... I don't know any jokes  
  
Raziel: Don't worry! I wrote out a few for you!  
  
(Raziel hands Janos a sheet of paper)  
  
Janos: What are these!? Why did Ariel love Nupraptor? Cause he gave good head?!  
  
Raziel: Bwhahaha! It's funny cause Kain cut off Nupraptor's head and the head was used to restore the pillar of mind! And that's good! You geddit!?!?  
  
Janos: This is horrible! Why is the Elder God always laughing?!  
Cause he is eternally pleasant!?!?  
  
Raziel: Oh that's a good one! Cause he once told me that he was eternally present!  
  
Janos: Raziel, you're a Twit.  
  
(Meanwhile at Malek's side)  
  
Malek: I can't think of any good jokes!  
  
Sarafan Raziel: Don't worry! I wrote out a few for you!  
  
(The Sarafan Raziel hands Malek a sheet of paper)  
  
Malek: Why did no one like the nature guardian?!  
Because he was the Bane of the circle!?   
  
Sarafan Raziel: Bwhahaha!! Bane! Geddit!?!?  
  
Malek: Raziel... you're a genius! With these I can't lose!!   
  
Raziel: I've rigged your bow tie to spin in case you get in trouble though  
  
Malek: Unlikely! With these jokes I am invincible!  
  
(The scene changes to the Main Stage where a rather bored Bane stands)  
  
Bane: Welcome to the Natcholm comedy festival. I've been asked to host it because since I wear antlers on my head 24/7 it's been decided that I must be a funny guy...... well I'm not  
So lets get Janos and Malek out here so I can get paid  
  
(Janos walks out smiling nervously while Malek bounds out enthusiastically )  
  
Bane: Janos, your first  
  
Janos: erm..... okay lets me just say that if you don't laugh..... er....... I'll kill you!!  
  
(crowd erupts with laughter)  
  
Faustus: in the Crowd Hahah! Janos, vaguely threatening! Oh that's funny!  
  
Malek: That's nothing! Why would no one go on a date with the dimension guardian!?  
Because Azi was a mutt!?  
  
(Crowd Remains silent but off stage Raziel and his Sarafan counter part you laugh uncontrollably)  
  
Raziel: in tears from laughing oh that's a good one!!  
  
Janos: Hey you were on my side!  
  
Raziel: Yeah but did you not hear that?! I'm backing Malek all the way!  
  
Janos: ha! what do I care! Why would I want the support of a creature who scampers around Nosgoth with no clothes and no job! If it wasn't for his obviously lack of one, he'd be known as a bum!  
  
(Crowd erupts into laughter once more)  
  
Malek: wait till you hear this one!! Why had the balance guardian no friends?  
Because she was two faced! Bwhahahaha!!  
  
(In the distance a cricket chirps.....)  
  
Janos: still shouting at Raziel Anyone else worried that the entire fate of Nosgoth is left in the hands of a creature that is so thick he tried to drown a Rahabaim!  
  
(Crowd laugh and clap)  
  
Malek: Why couldn't Mortainius get the dark entity exorcised? Cause possession is nine tenths of the law!  
  
(a tumble weed blows past. Janos turns away from Raziel to look at Malek)  
  
Janos: Suspicious Judging from what I've heard their Raziel's jokes... all I need to be sure is a "Blow giant hole in the wall, destroy the furniture, ransack entire house" Who's there? Joke  
  
Malek: Nervously Are you suggesting I didn't make them up!?   
  
Janos: Well considering there written on note paper with the words "From the desk of Raziel the Sarafan" written in pink in the top corner I suppose I am  
  
Malek: well......I ....Am...... Run away!!  
  
(Malek leaps out a window)  
  
Bane: I suppose Janos wins by default. And his jokes didn't make us cringe when we heard them  
  
Janos: Wooohoo!! I am champion!!! .......wait a minute! What jokes?! I didn't say any jokes!!  
  
(Back at studio Umah looks aghast. Marcus who managed to claw his way out of the hole only to see the contest stands with a look of disgust on his face)  
  
Umah: that was..... well.... Verging on the painful  
  
Marcus: ...... normally I'd use this occasional to make a hurtful remark about you but......damn..... Malek's jokes were horrible!  
  
Umah: For once your right  
  
Marcus: huh.... I guess we agree  
  
(there's an uncomfortable silence)  
  
Marcus: oh and ..er..... those jokes sucked so much they might put you out of a job!  
  
Umah: Phew! I was getting worried we might have to end the show on a note of agreement!  
  
(Umah spins around and kicks Marcus in the head. Marcus topples backwards to the ground)  
  
Umah: Thanks for watching Nosgothic Grudge match! And please, join us again next week!  
  
(Screen fades to black and the credits roll to the faint sound of Malek being beaten up for subjecting the world to those jokes)  
  
Popeland: ah...... everything is as it should be!  
Once again Any suggestions for Grudge matches will be gratefully excepted.   
I'll probably only 2 more chapters of this fic anyway.  
I want people to have happy memories of a Yu-Gi-Oh Duel and A scathing Insult trading match!  
Anyway, Please Review!! 


	5. Chapter 5

(Popeland's Office, Freeport)  
  
Popeland: heh.. remember when I said you could expect shorter gaps between the irregular updates?  
Yeah....well.... about that... it seems..... I was lying...  
I was engrossed in Exile, it's a little bad graphic PC game..... but it roccckksss!  
But now I've finished it so I'll get back to updating this!!  
I'll update Prefiance one of these days too.... Some day....  
Anyway review response!  
  
LoK Fan 1O2 : Well I might be able to use the pie eating contest, but I promise nothing!! NOTHING!!  
But what I want to know is where are the other 100 LoK fans? Well? Not trying to cover up anything are you?  
  
OmegaXSabre: I read your story, I left a review. However I did not begin to worship you as an all powerful deity. Anyway your only a god among insects! I'm a Pope of an entire Land! Stick that in your Sliverglit pipe and smoke it!!  
And...am... don't hurt me!  
  
Varewulf: Nicer to Raziel!? I've never been told that! He's one of my favourite characters but so are Anarcrothe and Marcus and look how they turned out!  
He should count himself lucky!  
  
the-marmaladecat1: Laughed in an office?! Yes!  
My mission to bring happiness to the working places of the world is well on the way!  
It's not doing as well as my mission to steal all the paperclips from the working places of the work in the world though...  
  
Concept of a Demon: Update every day?! Your lucky to get an update every month!  
But aren't they worth the wait.....  
Okay they're not but I'm lazy, okay!?  
  
MortalSora: I made the favourites list!?  
Huzzah!! Ah that made my day  
Nosgothic Grudge match is on at least one Favourites list!!  
Yes! It's popularity has exploded!  
And expect to See that Sarafan Lord Vs Janos grudge match very soon..  
  
Healer Ariel: Yes! Your desired grudge match awaits beyond my idiotic and pointless rambling! Hasten to it!  
  
MikotoZoku: Thanks for your 4 reviews! 4!! I mean I checked my e-mail and I had 4 reviews!! That made my day! Many reviews make Popeland happy!  
  
Abbil: Yes!! Another outburst of laughter in the workplace!  
Hah! That's two now!  
I'm on a roll here  
  
Uberlord John the IX: Yes, you get your own very subtle namedrop  
And I can't do a Yu-Gi-Oh rematch  
I must stride boldly onwards or something!  
  
Mad Alice: Now I would do a ribbon dancing one... if I knew what that was..   
My ignorance knows no bounds in the area of Groove and ribbons  
  
Twilight Tenshi: Wow...  
So much possibility... so much potential.... So much power!!  
Those Ideas will be stolen! Bwahahah!!.....er.... I mean.. those ideas will be borrowed....without your knowledge or permission  
Except that gender one.... That's....just...disturbing  
I was thinking about that Author commentary one...  
But the last time I wrote in an author into one of my stories and did it really badly and the author disappeared for months  
I'm cursed I tell you!  
  
Popeland: Phew...... so.....many......reviews  
Review response is getting fairly big now..... which is great!!  
I love all you Reviewers!!!  
............wait a minute! No I don't! I hate you all!  
Get the hell out of my office!  
  
Voice Over: Yes! It's time again for  
NOSGOTHIC GRUDGE MATCH!!  
With your host, Raziel!  
  
(Raziel walks on stage waving to the crowd. Marcus walks on afterwards, smirking to himself)  
  
Raziel: Hello my friends! An welcome to Nosgothic Grudge Match! Since Umah is involved in tonight's grudge match I'll be replacing her. I was chosen cause apparently it was about time Popeland did something nice for me  
  
Marcus: Really? I just thought we wanted a replacement who wore the same amount of clothing as Umah!  
  
Raziel: .....Your not a very nice person   
  
Marcus: Thanks for noticing you malnourished smurf! Anyway, with Umah gone I'm in total control! So you are no longer watching "Nosgothic Grudge Match" but instead your are watching " The Marcus Hour"!!   
A show in which we reveal the inner working of my mind!!  
  
Raziel: So what will we do for the other 58 minutes we'll be on air?  
  
Marcus: Well I guess we could ask you to count to ten, that'd take up the rest of the week never mind the end of the show  
  
Raziel: Good comeback.... But I'm still not going to let you change the show  
  
Marcus: (sarcastic) Oh, I quake in my fabulous designer boots! Really Raziel, your about as threatening as I am polite  
  
Raziel: That may be true, but that would hardly stand in the way of me ripping off your head  
  
Marcus: Ah.... good point.....  
  
Raziel: I know. When you've been a sword for thousands of years people tend to say that a lot. Anyway tonight's grudge match is between Umah and Kain! She stole his Nexus stone and He .. well...he killed her...  
  
Marcus: I'm hoping for a repeat of that result!!   
  
Raziel: er......yeah... Let's go over to Anarcrothe for our live interview!  
  
(Scene changes to a bedroom. Umah is brushing her hair and humming to herself. Suddenly she hears a rustling in her wardrobe)  
  
Umah: (Tiredly) Anarcrothe I know your in there.....  
  
(There's silence)  
  
Umah: Oh just get out!!  
  
(Umah strides over to the wardrobe and open the door. It's empty except for a small note that says  
"You must think their a maniac in here as there is no other reasons you'd look in a clothes wardrobe!  
BWHAAHAH!!   
Signed: Marcus)  
  
Umah: That's the 5th message from him I've found! How the hell does he get in here?!  
  
Anarcrothe: (from underneath the bed) The skylight on your roof doesn't close properly  
  
Umah: Aaaahh!! How long have you been under there?!!  
  
Anarcrothe: About a day. You snore really loud by the way  
  
Umah: Get out from under my bed you freak!!!  
  
Anarcrothe: Geez.... No need to shout  
  
(Anarcrothe rolls out from under the bed. He then stands up and brushes the cobwebs off his robes)  
  
Umah: .....You take some extreme measures to get an interview  
  
Anarcrothe: (confused) ........ Interview?  
  
Umah: WHAT!?!  
  
Anarcrothe: I mean of course I'm here for the interview! Really! Er......so... do you think you'll beat Kain?  
  
Umah: Yes  
  
Anarcrothe: So you think you'll crush him?  
  
Umah: Yes  
  
Anarcrothe: So you think you'll wipe him from the face of the planet?   
  
Umah: Yes  
  
Anarcrothe: So you think you'll go on a date with me?  
  
Umah: Ye.... You what!?  
  
Anarcrothe: I think we'd make a great couple! When I was reading your diary to pass the time I found out we'd a lot in common! Like a love of the color purple! am... that's it actually... but we can work on the rest!  
  
Umah: Get out of my house you Maniac!!  
  
Anarcrothe: Okay, okay...... but if you change your mind you know my number... well you know your number and I'm stealing your phone. Toodles!  
  
(Anarcrothe throws down a smoke bomb and runs out of the room cackling madly. A few minutes later the smoke clears leaving a blackened Umah standing on her own)  
  
Umah: ... Get out of my Wardrobe Anarcrothe  
  
Anarcrothe: ..........make me  
  
(Scenes changes back to the studio wear Marcus and Raziel are wearing the standard bemused expression that come with watching one of Anarcrothe's interviews   
  
Marcus: ........well.....another inspiring interview from Anarcrothe there  
  
Raziel: Remember viewers, if you see Anarcrothe on the streets do not try to approach him or start a conversation with him as it may prompt him to talk to you  
  
Marcus: now lets go over to Dumah for event selection. The section in which he lives in a cave with a squid and spins a wheel........ anyone else starting to think he pulled the short straw?  
  
(The familiar sight of the event selection cave appears on screen. Dumah skips on screen smiling intensley)  
  
Dumah: (hyper) Hey everyone!! Ah, I'm just so glad you all came!!!  
  
Elder god: Make him stop! make him stop! No one who's been around me for more than five minutes should be happy! I mean I've told him the wheel of fate thing like seven times! I only had to tell the Ancients once and they we throwing themselves on swords!!  
  
Dumah: I don't know what your talking about! That story is wonderful! Tell me the about the engine of life bit again!!  
  
Elder God: Oh for My Sake!! ........ I'm just glad all the Prozac is gone!  
  
Dumah: Don't worry! I ordered a new shipment so you wouldn't have to!!  
  
Elder god: That may be so but how the hell are the going to get it into this cave eh?! Aha!! Triumph for me!!  
  
Dumah: oh, I just told them to dump it into the Abyss, it'll get here soon!!   
  
Elder God: (stunned) You poured it into MY ABYSS!!? Arghh!! I was wondering what that growing feeling well being was!!   
  
Dumah: It's great isn't it!?  
  
Elder God: No! noooo!! I'm a vengeful god!! VENGEFUL!! Must...... resist...happiness!  
  
Dumah: Anyway, let's spin that wheel!!  
  
(Dumah prances over to the event selection well and spins the wheel)  
  
Dumah: Woooooo!! Look at it spin!!  
  
Elder god: ...... must think of... things....I hate!.... Raziel!! Am....Kain!!.... All you can eat seafood restaurants!!.....  
  
Dumah: ah! That's really weird! I LOVE all those things!!  
  
Elder God: ..nyyyahhhhh!! Viewers! This is a request from you god!! Go to the Abyss and throw in depressing stuff!! Tranquilizers! Radiohead albums! Pictures of Raziel! I don't care just hurry!!  
  
Dumah: Hey! the wheels stopped!!  
  
(the wheel has landed on "Turn Based Battle")  
  
Dumah: WHOA! A turn based battle!! Deadly quick and full of excitement!! I can't wait!!  
  
Elder God: Hey! that's sounds good! ...wait a minute no! that's crap! I hate it! I swear someone will pay for this!!   
  
(the scenes switches back to the studio)  
  
Raziel: hehehehehe...... Unlife is good  
  
Marcus: Taking pleasure in someone misery... that's disgusting. Anyway, let's go to Umah being hurt!! I can't wait!!  
  
(scene changes to a locker room where Kain is talking to Nupraptor)  
  
Nupraptor: As Popeland's official representative I insist that you participate in the event!  
  
Kain: I told you I'm not doing another one of these stupid grudge matches  
  
Nupraptor: (attempting to hypnotise him) Oh but you will! Look into my eyes Kain! look into my eyes!...............why are you staring at me like that?...........stop!..... Stop looking at me!!!   
  
Kain: But you told me to  
  
Nupraptor: (trying to avoid eye contact) I changed my mind!! I changed my mind!!  
  
Kain: Fine, but I'm still not doing the match  
  
(Kain turns to leave)  
  
Nupraptor: but if you win Popeland said he'd commission a coin that's all edges!!  
  
(kain freezes)  
  
Kain:............ he did?  
  
Nupraptor: Yeah, well..... only in Freeport but it'll still land on it's edge! A lot!  
  
Kain:..... Okay then, I'll do the stupid match. But this is the last time!!  
  
(Camera switches to the main battle arena where Faustus is getting ready to present the event)  
  
Faustus: Welcome to the turn based battle extravaganza! Where is Kain versus Umah in fast paced battle to the death! So let's give a warm welcome to our first combatant, Kain!!!  
  
(Kain walks on stage)  
  
Kain: .......so where's Umah  
  
Faustus: Am.....just walk around for awhile and I'm sure she'll turn up  
  
(Kain shrugs his shoulders and walks around for a bit. Suddenly the screen cracks and explodes. Up tempo music begins . Kain reappears in an attack posture and Umah has also miraculously appeared)  
  
Umah: What the hell just happened?  
  
Faustus: Random battle. Play some final fantasy for god's sake! Anyway Umah got a pre-emptive attack so she gets to go first  
  
Umah: oh..right... good! I'm going to smack Kain!!  
  
(Umah runs over and punches Kain straight in the stomach but Kain doesn't even flinch  
  
Kain: that was pretty pathe...  
  
Faustus: CRITICAL HIT!!!  
  
Kain: What!??  
  
Faustus: That was critical hit and has severly lowered your HP! Kain it's your turn now  
  
Kain: Critical hit!? Pah! Well I choose to blow up Umah! Hah! There, done and dusted! Now about my coin I'd like if I could get a few pictures of me looking moody on it and..  
  
Faustus: Sorry Kain, That kind of move need a turn to charge up before you can use it  
  
Kain: Charge?! What the hell are you talking about? I don't need to charge! Watch!  
  
(Kain fires a blast of energy at Faustus. When the smoke clears all that's left is a smoking crater)  
  
Audience: (Gasp)  
  
Faustus: (clawing his way out of the crater) I'm okay!!  
  
Audience: Boooo!!  
  
Faustus: ... that was cold, people........ anyway it's your turn Umah  
  
Umah: am.... I choose to kick Kain in the face!!  
  
(Umah leaps across the arena and kicks Kain. Kain this time kain certainly feels it as he stumbles backwards with the impression of a boot in his face)  
  
Kain: Why you little....!  
  
(Kain goes to strike her but Faustus catches his arm)  
  
Faust: Sorry Kain, but you don't have the counterattack ability  
  
Kain: ah screw this!! Is it my turn yet!?  
  
Faustus: Yes, it's your turn at the moment  
  
Kain: Good! Blow up Umah!  
  
(Kains shoots a bolt of energy at Umah. She gets flung into the air and goes smashing though the wall)  
  
Kain: Ahaha!!  
  
(Kain starts doing victory poses)  
  
Faustus: (looking at a calculator) Actually, judging from your stats you missed. Your accuracy points are pretty bad  
  
Kain: Missed?! I blew her through the damn wall!  
  
Fausts: In practice maybe. But in theory you missed by a mile.   
  
Kain: but surely the fact that she's curently in a low Nosgoth orbit contributes some bit!  
  
Faustus: (angrily) But in theory she's standing right there!! Are you not listening to me!? Anyway... send some to find, and if necessary re-assemble, Umah  
  
Kain: That'll take a while.... I'm going to get a drink!  
  
(Kains walks out of the arena and heads towards the bar)  
  
Faustus: Battle over! The Winner is Umah!!!  
  
Kain: What!?!?  
  
Faustus: You fled the battle arena so she wins  
  
Kain: Fled?! FLED?! I was getting a drink godammit!! Anyway she not in the battle arena either!!  
  
Faustus: But in theory she is!!  
  
Kain: I didn't lose! I'm going to kick your ass!  
  
Faustus: Threatening me won't make me change my decision, Kain   
  
Kain: I don't want to change you decision. I just want to change you into a severely beaten git who won't be able to walk for the next few months!!  
  
Faustus: oh.....well in that case....RUN AWAY!!!  
  
(Scene returns to the studio where a grinning Marcus is looking at the screen with a remote control in his hand)  
  
Marcus: Look, look! If you rewind it Umah fly's back in through the wall!! And then you can play it forward and she crashes through it again! Ah man this rocks!!  
  
Raziel: .....You're a sick twisted little man  
  
Marcus: Wow! You can do frame by frame! Wall's solid.. wall's solid... Umah smashes though wall!! This never gets old!  
  
Raziel:....... Anyway. Thanks for watching Nosgothic Grudge match! And please, join us again next week!  
  
(Screen fades to black and the credits roll to the sound of Marcus ordering hundreds of T-Shirts with pictures of Umah flying though the wall on them)  
  
Popeland: ah.... Funny thing is I don't even have anything against Umah  
Odd  
Anyway, I think I'm all right for match suggestions at the moment. Considering it'll take me a while to get through the ones you've already suggested .....also consider I didn't use any suggestions in this chapter.... Er..... yeah... sorry about that  
But if you have one you feel that the world needs to know by all means you can tell me  
And since there seems to be a demand for it this fic will continue a little while longer!  
Hurrah!!  
Anyway please review!! 


	6. Chapter 6

Someone reviewed this the other day, I can't recall who. I could find out but ...well... that would require... effort. But anyways, I wrote this chapter last year.  
So it's only like a ... several year wait.  
But anyways, WHAM.  
New old chapter. 

Send me cheques.

(Popeland's office, Freeport)

Popeland: On the phone... so you're not interested in the job?... Do you know anyone who is?...right, right... Look for the last time I'll fill out your quick survey if you take the job! It's great deal! ...Hello?... Hello? The jerk hung up on me!

(Popeland slams down the phone and adjusts his crown)

Popeland: Nupraptor! Get in here!

(Nupraptor enters the office)

Nupraptor: Good evening sir. Do you want me to use my _psychic powers_ to find replacements for Umah and Marcus?

Popeland: Umah and Marcus are missing?

Nupraptor: ...wasn't that what you were talking about on the phone?

Popeland: That's what I say to anyone who calls me!

Nupraptor: Oh... right... well no one bothered to look for Umah and Marcus is still out celebrating. So will I use my I _great powers_?

Popeland: Nah, just let Dumah and the Elder God take this shift. They've been looking for some more airtime.

Nupraptor: oh... okay sir... Just out of curiosity if you didn't want me to use my _amazing_ powers to find replacements hosts why did you call me in here?

(Popeland smiles and turns off the light)

Popeland: ahah! Man, your head is glowing!

Nupraptor: I hate my job...

Voice Over: Live from Subterranean Chasm Five it's...

NOSGOTHIC GRUDGE MATCH!

With your host Dumah!

(Dumah bounds out in front of the camera with a manic smile)

Dumah: Hello everyone! I'm so happy you came by! I'll be hosting today's super show!

Elder God: And I'll be helping out? Isn't that great?

Dumah: Yeah that is great! You're my best friend Elder God!

Elder God: And you're mine!

Dumah: Yay! So tonight's show is going to be super good!

Elder God: Yeah, mega super good!

Dumah: Maybe even mega super hyper good!

Elder God: I think that's pushing it a bit far man...Let's not go super uber crazy here.

Dumah: ...well I suppose. But it will probably be mega super good!

Elder God: Yes siree!

Dumah: Tonight it'd going to be my good pal Janos going against that super guy, the Sarafan Lord!

Elder God: He's so dreamy...

Dumah: ...er... He is?

Elder God: Well yeah... BO2 was all a dream right?

Dumah: ...I don't think so

Elder God: What? How the hell was Vorador there then?

Dumah: ..well...er... let's go over to Anarcrothe for the interview!

Elder God: I bet it'll be super!

(Camera switches to the demon dimension where the Sarafan Lord, a hylden and a fire demon are all chatting around a water cooler)

Sarafan Lord: Yeah apparently some purple human dude has to interview me before the fight.

Hylden: Pish, that's not going to happen. A human wouldn't survive five minutes here man.

Fire Demon: Quit implying I eat everything that comes here!

Hylden: Oh shut up Ted, not everything is... dude, quit gnawing on my arm.

Fire demon: You weren't even using it man!

Hylden: ...yeah... well anyways, how would a human even get here?

Sarafan Lord: I don't know... bus?

Hylden: Don't be ridiculous man...

Fire Demon: Yeah the bus from Nosgoth only runs on weekends.

Sarafan Lord: I suppose...

(Suddenly there's a flash of light and the Hylden's eyes stop glowing)

Hylden: Ew... it's all... blurry and misty here...

Sarafan Lord: ...er... you alright there Frank?

Hylden: Shut up NERD! Anyways, you're going up against Janos. What are your thoughts?

Sarafan Lord: Wait a-

Hylden: No thoughts eh? Is it cause you're stupid! Bwhahahaah!

Sarafan Lord: You're Anarcrothe aren't you? How did you get here!

Anarcrothe/Hylden: Reverse possession. It's basically the regular hylden possession but backwards.

Sarafan Lord: You can do that?

Anarcrothe/Hylden: apparently... anyways, are you hoping for a particular type of battle?

Sarafan Lord: well I...

Anarcrothe/Hylden: Hey look how I can bend my arm!

Sarafan Lord: Ew! You shouldn't be able to do that!

Anarcrothe/Hylden: Oh right... now I get why their was a cracking noise. Moving on, why is your head on fire?

Sarafan Lord: Well actually that's a relatively short but fascinating... Are you trying to break your other arm?

Anarcrothe/Hylden: Well I need to match don't I?

Sarafan Lord: Ew! Stop that! This interview is over you freak!

Anarcrothe: Grand so...

(The Hylden's eyes regain their greenish glow.)

Hylden: What just... ah! My freaking arm!

Sarafan Lord: You were possessed by the purple guy and he broke your arm.

Fire Demon: Yeah! And he ate your other arm!

(The Sarafan Lord glares at the fire demon)

Fire demon: Well it was worth a shot...

(Camera returns to the studio)

Dumah: ...er... I think you lost that bet buddy.

Elder God: Well it was super... something...

Dumah: Yeah... Anyways, time to go onto the best part of the show! Event selection!

Elder God: Hurrrah!

(Dumah jumps over to the event selection wheel)

Dumah: So let's spin the wheel and see what we get!

(Dumah spins the wheel)

Elder God: Let's sing the event selection songs!

Dumah: Yes! Let's!

Both: Oh super spinning wheel, Happy you make us feel!

With your pretty shine you make the day sublime!

Oh show us the battlefield and let the battle be sealed!

Cause it's super, super fun when the excitement has just beeeegunn!

(The wheel stops spinning in sheer disgust)

Dumah: Oh! It's a Super Market Sweep challenge! Sounds wonderful!

Elder God: Yep! You know I've been thinking about writing a new song about the wheel! Will you help me out!

Dumah: Sure buddy!

Elder God: Okay, so far I have. "Oh lovely wheel of event selection you give me such a..." but I can't think of an ending rhyme.

Dumah: ... er... let's go live to the battle!

Elder God: ...Was it something I said?

(Camera switch to Janos's dressing room where he is pacing about the room angrily.)

Janos: This is my third grudge match! Third! And I'm the nice guy! Why isn't it Vorador? Everyone hates him!

Vorador: I'm standing right here...

Janos: Oh don't remind me... who am I fighting anyways?

Raziel: The Sarafan Lord! Remember he possessed you and made you beat me up and then he used you to power the device before throwing you into the demon dimension!

Janos: Wow, in those two examples he went from being my personal hero to arch nemesis.

Raziel: Low blow...

Janos: Oh what are you whining about? It's not as if there's anything to hit down there.

(Camera switches to the Sarafan lord's dressing room where an equally angry sarafan lord is pacing about)

Sarafan Lord: This is my seconds grudge match! Second! And I'm the nice one!

Sebastian: ...er... you are?

Sarafan Lord: What? Of course! I protected Meridian from an army of ravenous vampires, stabilized the entire economy, brought in decades of prosperity for the people and built an expansive sewer system of the likes of which had never been seen in Nosgoth!

Sebastian: ...yeah but weren't you going to use the device to kill everyone?

Sarafan Lord: ...er... that is blatantly taken out of context! I'm docking your pay!

Sebastian: aw nuts...

(Camera switches to a large Super Marker where a very orange man stands)

Winton the Just: Hello and welcome to Super Market Sweep! With me Winton the just! The aim of this show is to dash around this Supermarket picking up as much as you can. The winner will be the one with the contents worth the most in their trolley! So without further adue let me introduce Janos and the Sarafan Lord!

(The audience claps as Janos and the Sarafan Lord walk out glaring at each other.)

Winton the Just: On your marks, get ready... go!

(They both run off down the aisles. The camera switches to Janos who is running frantically around the supermarket knocking things into his trolley)

Vorador: No Janos! Don't fill up on flays! Go for the energy Banks! The energy banks!

Raziel: Janos! Pick me up a few glyphs too!

Janos: Shut up you two! I can't find my way out of the Blood Omen 2 section yet! There's nothing in here!

(The Sarafan Lord pushes his trolley around the Supermarket with a Flame sword, Mace, Havoc and Malice, a collection of sarafan pikes and a pineapple inside)

Sarafan Lord: What now! What now!

Sebastian: Go for the Bonus Nupraptor's head!

( The Sarafan Lord makes a mad grab at the giant inflatable Nupraptor's head from the shelves)

Winton the Just: One minute remaining!

Sarafan Lord: Arghh! I haven't even made it to the Defiance section yet!

(Janos runs through each aisle with his wings extended knocking everything into his trolley or onto the floor while the Sarafan Lord uses telekinesis to lift up entire selves and tip the contents into his trolley. Finally a horn sounds signaling the end of the round)

Winton the Just: Now, we must wait till the cashiers get the total for each of our contestants.

(Awkward silence)

Winton the Just: ...sooooo

Janos: Don't talk to me.

(Several uncomfortable minutes pass)

Winton the Just: And the results are in! Janos managed to clock up an impressive 158$ but he also managed to grab the Bonus Banes antler headdress worth 150$. Bring him to a total of 308!

Janos: ahaha! Your FACE!

Winton the Just: Quite. The Sarafan Lord on the other hand managed to get 194 and with a Nupraptor's head worth... 100$! Bringing him to only 294! Not enough to catch Janos I'm afraid!

Janos: Woohooo!

Sarafan Lord: er...wait! I forgot to give you this ...er... Nexus stone I picked up!

Janos: You were wearing that when you showed up!

Sarafan Lord: You have no proof!

Winton the Just: Well that's brings you up to 314! Making the Sarafan Lord your winner!

Janos: Bah! This is your fault Vorador!

(Vorador hangs his head in shame)

Raziel: You can still win!

Janos: I can? How!

Raziel: Okay! Just stand still!

Janos Right, now wha... ARGGHH!

(Raziel plunges his claw into Janos's chest and pulls out the Heart of Darkness)

Raziel: He forgot this!

(Raziel shows the heart to Winton)

Winton:...ew... well... Okay, that brings him up to 318. Making Janos our winner again!

Janos: Owww... Yay... urgh... can I have my heart back now?

Raziel: darkly I don't know. What do you think Vorador?

Vorador: thoughtful Well they might deduct it from the total. Suppose we'd better keep it out for... maybe a fortnight?

Raziel: A wise precaution indeed.

Janos: You'll...all...pay...erk

(Janos collapses)

Sarafan Lord: Ah well... Everyone back to my place for a blood and soul buffet!

Sebastian, Raziel & Vorador: Hurrah!

Winton the Just: You know you have to put all that stuff back...

Sarafan Lord: oh ...right... cheese it!

(Sarafan Lord runs off with the trolley with Raziel, Sebastian and Vorador not far behind. Camera returns to studio/cave)

Dumah: Wow! That _was _mega super hyper good!

Elder God: Greatest thing I ever saw!

Dumah: Yeah!...er... Let's get some more Prozac!

Elder God: Yay! Happy days shall never end!

Dumah: jokingly And I'll be Fonzie! Ehhhhhhh!

Elder God: ahahha... yeah... but still I think I'd be Fonzie.

Dumah: Oh come on Elder God! You're not even humanoid! I'd definitely be Fonzie!

Elder God: angrily But you're not even cool!

Dumah: Cooler than you! Eeehhhhh!

Elder God: No! I'm **The Cool**! Comb!

Dumah: You don't even have any hair!

Elder God: And you don't have any brain, you jerk!

Dumah: Oh bite me you starter menu filler!

Elder God: enraged You take that back!

Dumah: MAKE ME!

Elder God: Bah! I'll pound you into the GROUND! Ehhhh!

Dumah: Ehhhhhhh!

(The screen fades as the Elder God starts swiping at Dumah with his tentacles while Dumah attempts to dodge and then stab him in the eyes. The credits roll)

Popeland: Well I haven't heard a better reason for the fallout of drug based friendships. But regardless of how many hosts we lose we'll soldier on!  
Tune in ...er... a few years from now!  
Maybe!


End file.
